When I said goodbye to my friends at my previous school, I had to get a few things* off my chest that I wasn’t very proud of.
At the photocopier:
- When the photocopier jams, I walk away and don’t tell anyone.
- When someone is trying to fix a jam, I tell them I have a class so I don’t have to stay and help them
- I only photocopy at 8:25 in the morning, right before the bell rings
- If someone is making copies ahead of me, I tell them that I have a class so they let me go ahead of them (but I actually have prep).
- When the person in front of me forgets to logout, I don’t tell them so I can use their code.
- Those are my dishes in the sink (sorry!)
- That’s my mouldy food in the fridge (sorry again!)
- I don’t cover my food in the microwave (thanks for cleaning it up!)
Day to day things:
- Yes, I did get your email
- I can’t wait for some of my colleagues to leave the room so I can immediately gossip about them
- I pretend to go to the washroom during staff meetings, but I actually go home
- I have been to one department meeting in the last 5 years
Don’t blue page me:
- I teach during lockdown drills
- I am always the first person to leave my classroom when there’s a fire alarm
- I let my students go early so I can catch my bus home
- I make sure my class is quiet during morning announcements, only when I know I’ve put in an announcement to be read.
- I act sad in front of the students when our team misses the playoffs, but I’m actually happy because I don’t have to stay late or come early to school anymore for games and practices.
- When students ask me to supervise a club, I reject them by saying that I’m already supervising another club, only that club is completely made up.
- I tell students that teachers who don’t wear ties are unprofessional
- When students complain about other teachers, I make them tell me who they are and usually agree with them.
- Whenever I gossip about other teachers, I make sure the other people know who I’m talking about.
- I always use the middle urinal
- Whenever I’m alone in the science office and the phone rings, I don’t answer it.
- I always make sure I learn supply teachers’ names so I can complain about them to the admin afterwards.
- Sometimes I’m early for on calls, but I wait outside until I see the 1st half teacher calls the office before walking in.
- During the strike, I only showed up during shift switch and tell the morning captain I’m in the afternoon shift and the afternoon captain I’m in the morning shift
- When a student asks me something I don’t know, I pretend to know and ask them to Google it, then report to me tomorrow so I can verify if they’re correct.
- Every time a student calls me sir or Mr. Fong in public, I give them a bonus mark
- I sometimes buy cookies and muffins from the students, then throw it in the garbage afterwards.
- I sometimes postpone a test because I forgot make it
- I sometimes “grant” my students a study period because I don’t have a lesson planned
*Most of these are just jokes, I didn’t actually do these things. Most of them.
Apparently, I did do some of these (according to my students, who have better memories than I do)
And apparently, even as adults?